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This is my fear..to anxiety

The moment when sleep is irrechable . The ideas are all evacuated and nothing seems interesting to do.

Trying to watch is like all videos and clips from TV or social media is not giving a proper relevanve at the moment. They are equally irritative and boring.

The collabo of the weather outside and the dark mood within is coincidentally unpleasant as inside the house.

Food tastes same and flat, though with the increased appetite and weird cravings. Checking and rearranging my closet is the common thing I find myself doing untill I do not need to do it again.Visits to the bathroom is so repetitive and unpleasantly uneasy….constipations and hard bowl movements.

The ribs are getting painful as well as the butt, sitting and lying for long hours.

Crying everytime is no questionanle with no basic reasons.

Random thoughts running up and down. Friends priority is the least thing I want to think of.I just need some time alone.Infact I withdraw from gym membership for a week.Maybe because sometimes I lose appetite and am so weak for weight lifting or because I avoid people.

Indeed this could be the moment of idle mindedness- the workshop of the devil.Right?!

This is my fear… unexpected moment that I hate ever experiencing in my fight againy anxiety.

What is really the best thing to do? Reading?… maybe not. I can not concentrate now.I try my bible…, the fiction story book ( a gift from a friend) but nothing seems working now.Am so sorry for myself.

At some point I am tempted to think that I am less useful, but I know it is not true. At this moment I must not trust every thought that comes up.

I try writing. Yes it is working. But why am i writing all these down.

Ooh for you to read and know there is someone also with same burden. And atleast somehow reading, sleeping, eating can work out at the moment. Besides there is always way out ….light at the end of the tunnel.

Putting the mind in the future.

This has been the craziest addiction I have ever fought in my youth. The mind is more comfortable in the present but atimes the relevance of thinking further,planning and expecting often push us to hung in events,thoughts and people to come. When the mind stays for long in the future, the anxiety and worries yield a discomfort to our present states resulting to overthinking/stress coupled with variety of disorders and bad conditions. Bad enough to challenge our health and life at large.

This has been a nightmare I have struggled with for the last five months. It is confused though not limited to insomnia and/or depression. Thinking beyond limit just about the future and letting our minds settle in the future is so addictive. Whether it is good thinking or bad. Is it not obvious that too much of something is poison ?

For instance when I wanted to start a YouTube channel,I really thought of the content. Daily making notes on research about that matter and before I could catch sleep I kept thinking of how I should be different but original. Possibilities of how to, danced in my mind the first night and so I slept late then it happened the same thing in the following night .It turned out so dramatic that I struggled to sleep normally the following week to months. I could not stop thinking neither could I control that anymore! Addiction settled without notice!

This is how I finally killed this problem. I took back my mind in to the present and stopped staying in the future.With all matters,plans and ideas beyond our thoughts and reach to act,simply tell it to God and go to sleep.

Reflect:What are the thought(s) that keep recurring in your mind and the matter is becoming unbearable hence affecting you negatively?

What are your attempts to kill the problem.